Feels Like There’s Something Still Missing

October 8, 2012 in What Do I Do?, What I Believe with 1 Comment

“It seems no matter how hard I try,

It feels like there’s something just missing inside…”

What Can I Say – Brandi Carlile 

As I am writing this, it has been four months and nineteen days since I posted my last entry on this blog.  Truth be told, I forgot both my username and password for this website.

Since then, I have grown accustomed to my first ever real job.  A career, if you would.  In less than 6 months, I’ve learned more about websites, content-writing, and client relations than I had in my previous years of living combined.  I’m also currently teaching myself coding languages which is loads of….fun.

I’ve experienced change outside of work as well.  I have moved out of my apartment of two years and into a lovely townhouse.  I grew my first full beard.  I have run a half marathon, something I’ve always wished to do.

Epic-Beard-Shave

Ah yes, my wonderful victory beard experience....

In many ways, I feel like I’ve transitioned into a real life, or the beginnings of one at least.  My so called “blank page” isn’t so empty anymore.  And yet, as I list these accomplishments, I can’t help but think of everything I haven’t done.

I haven’t finished reading or writing any books.  I haven’t grown in my guitar or piano skills.  I haven’t chiseled out those 6-pack abs.  Outside of my job, I haven’t stretched out of any of my personal comfort zones.  Maybe worst of all, I can’t recall the last time someone told me that something I said, wrote, or simply did made an impact on their life.

And I think it’s all of those thoughts that bring me back here.  Because even though I feel good when I tell people that I work for as a content writer and project manager for a web design and marketing company…

Even though I feel victorious for having run 13.1 miles in 1 hour and 47 minutes…

Even though I’ve managed to stay alive, healthy, and in one piece these past few months, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.

When I get home from work, or when I’m out for a run, or when I’m lying in bed at night, I feel like there’s something more I should be doing.  Even though I already feel like I’m doing so much.

Life still reads like this blank page.

And maybe, just maybe you feel the same way.  That’s okay.  I think it means you’re human.  I think it’s how we were designed.  To be left wanting, waiting, and striving for more.  For something greater than ourselves.

Because if we didn’t want, we would never seek.  If we didn’t need, we might never know.

We wouldn’t care if there’s something beyond us, if our soul is real, living and thriving, bearing some task that only we can carry out.

And if you’re ready to figure out what that something is, or your just ready to start doing what you’ve been meaning to do for so long, then join me.  Let’s stop going about life all alone or for all the wrong reasons.

Let’s get down to business like our sanity depends on it, because quite frankly, it just might.  If my posts fail to be consistent on this blog, let us pray it’s because I’m doing greater things with my life.

How Did I Get Here? (A Post-Graduate Story)

May 18, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 2 Comments

Today I thought I’d do something fun and a bit different by sharing a part of a book I am writing.  I felt this portion was pretty relevant to this blog.  It comes from the intro chapter.

______________________________________

I wished it was raining.

I was on my way to college graduation rehearsal.  If it was raining, I would maybe have had an excuse for being late.  Instead it was sunny and traffic was thin.

Always late with few excuses.  Story of my life.

As I kicked my rusting Ford Taurus into high gear, the ringtone to my phone sounded off beside me.  Unknown caller.  Never answered calls from strangers.

About a minute later, I saw I had a voicemail sitting in my inbox.  Taking the phone in my free hand, I played the message.  It was from a Panera Bread I had just applied to.  They were calling to inform me they weren’t hiring at the time.  Panera is predominantly staffed by high school students, and they had just shot me down.

I was a week away from graduating college with a four year degree, and I just got rejected by Panera Bread.

Suddenly, I didn’t especially care about being late to rehearsal.  I didn’t really care about much of anything.  I simply wondered how I ended up in this current predicament.

See, I grew up seeing life as a checklist: be born, go to school, graduate school, go to college, graduate college, start a career, get married, have a few kids, retire, die.

If that isn’t a list to get excited about, I don’t know what is.  It started so easy.  I don’t even remember my birth.  The first thing I remember is running circles around my back yard.

As for school, it wasn’t exactly hard.  Some people cry on their first day of school.  Others are homeschooled and never experience that fear.  I went to public school and actually enjoyed most of it.  Oh sure, sixth grade was sort of awful, but besides that, I had lots of friends, I was involved in everything, and made all sorts of memories.  Best of all, once I made it through high school, I got to experience step three:

Graduation.

Imagine all your friends throwing parties at the exact same time.  There is punch, cake, those shiny little confetti pieces, and you get money from people you don’t even know.  It kind of made the whole “school” process worth it.  Best of all, I was free.  As I stood a high school graduate, I realized the rest of my life was before me.  It was time to choose a college which would lead to a career and all the other wonderful things on my life list.

The problem was I had to choose.

Not wanting to miss the next step in my life, I quickly chose a college and went.  It was fun, exciting, and completely not for me.  The next year, I would choose a different college and stick with it.  I learned a lot, made great friendships, and developed my skills as a writer.  Four years later, I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English (Writing).

Unfortunately, this is where the whole “life plan” train went completely off track, flipped on its side, crashed through a small town, and destroyed everything in its wake.

The only guarantee in life is that there are no guarantees in life.  I hate clichés, but it’s true.  I knew what I wanted to be going through college, and I thought I had a job lined up for my post-graduate life.  Apparently it didn’t matter.  I graduated jobless and flat broke with school loans knocking at my door like a visage of Death himself (assuming Death is male) .  I felt crippled, scared, and a tad bit lost.

And I couldn’t push on.  I couldn’t ignore what was happening.  All I could do was wonder how did I get here?

_____________________________________________

From there, the book acts as a guide of what NOT to do.  There’s many stories from many people that are included.

But here’s what you can get from this segment.  Life, more often than not, does not go as you plan it to go.  The best you can do is prepare for the worst and keep moving forward when things fall apart.

I’ll tell you right now, two years ago I wanted to just give up.  But I kept going.

Then things got worse.

And I kept going.

Now, two years after this whole ordeal happened, I say with great relief that I feel so much better about my life.  I’m still fighting to move forward.  I’m still struggling.

But I’m getting there.  And that’s enough to put a smile on my face.

Has your life’s plan ever ran straight into a metaphorical wall?  Have you ever been paralyzed by disappointment?  If so, feel free to share below.  Or, contact me about writing a guest post!  (Click here to get in touch)

What’s My Middle Step

May 11, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 3 Comments

(Welcome to the first ever guest post featured on This Blank Page.  I’m honored to have the very talented Bethany Suckrow share a little wisdom on life’s in-between-stages.  She has a fantastic site called She Writes and Rights that you should check out.  If you would like to write a guest post for This Blank Page, click here to send me a message….after reading the post below of course)

So you’re working a job you hate.

Okay, maybe “hate” is too strong a word.

You’re working a less-than-ideal, can’t-pay-all-my-bills, stuck-in-a-rut, I-climbed-the-wrong-ladder kind of job. You don’t necessarily hate it for what it is, you just want a better one, one you’re passionate about and that pays well.

Here’s the good news everyone tells you but that doesn’t always feel better when people remind you of it :

You are not alone.

Yes, not only are you passionate about your work and stuck in an unfulfilling job, but you’re a dime a dozen.

I know what you’re probably thinking…

Something along the lines of “Gee thanks, I already knew this, Bethany” and “wow, she really sucks at this whole guest-posting thing, doesn’t she?”

But let me share with you the thing that has kept me sane in my own not-quite-there-but-works-for-now job.

To begin with, I graduated in 2009 with a B.A. in Communications and Writing. I was once a hard-core English Lit. major, but in order to finagle a semester abroad that had nothing to do with my major and everything to do with my desire to get the heck out of town, I switched majors so that I could take more electives. Also, I was really sick of reading Hamlet. I don’t know how it happened, but between my senior year of high school and my senior year of college, Hamlet was required reading in six separate literature classes. I don’t know if my professors realized this, but only in academia can you get paid to read Hamlet, and I had no intention of being an English professor.

I did want to be a writer, though, and when I graduated I didn’t know where to start.

I was working two part time jobs as a waitress and as a staff writer for my alma mater. My job as a staff writer, where I continue to work full time today, has been nothing less than Providential. Most of my fellow English B.A.’s do not have jobs in “our field,” but for me, a 10-hour per week student job slowly and diligently grew into a full-time job after working there for two years.

In the midst of that transition I realized something : writing was my day job, but it wasn’t enough. God knows why, but press releases and campus-wide emails just don’t evoke enough thrill to satisfy my writing life. I didn’t want to quit my job, but I did want to write the content that compelled me, the kind of content I knew I could spend my life writing.

This is the question that kept me up at night : what’s my middle step?

What can I do right now that won’t jeopardize the day job that I need to keep, but that can keep my career moving forward?

And this is the only answer that has made sense :

Do something else.

Not while I’m on the job; that’s a really bad idea. But in my free time, the time that I usually go home to kick back with a Newcastle and watch some Netflix, I needed to do something more productive, something I’m passionate about.

In a similar way that I realized that just being an English major wasn’t good enough, and just staying in one place for all four years of college wasn’t good enough, I realized that just working a 9-5 job is not good enough for me.

In order to move forward you have to come to terms with exactly what it is that you want, and then finagle, switch gears, do double duty, and work harder than you ever thought you could.

Don’t just sit there.

For me, this means finding as many different ways to write as possible :

- I do the practical, marketable writing at my day job.
- I do the creative, story-driven writing pro-bono for a young online magazine.
- I do the personal, poetic, free-form writing on my blog.
- And just for good measure and a little extra cash, I sell paintings on Etsy.

It’s a lot to handle. Quite honestly, I don’t always handle it well. Sometimes I’m totally exhausted and I forget to do laundry and I don’t give myself a lot of time to socialize or sleep. Sometimes I look at my blog stats and feel like giving up. Sometimes I question whether all of this extra work is really doing anything for my sanity like I’ve told you that it does.

But.

It is the work that gets me out of bed in the morning.

It is the work that has opened doors for me and taught me how to market myself as a writer. It is the work that God has called me to do.

So what are you doing?

Fear of Failure

May 9, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 2 Comments

Failure.  Such an ugly word.

No one wants to fail.  No one wants to be a failure.

This is what we fear.  We are so afraid that we won’t succeed.  That we’ll look back on our life and say “I failed.”

What could be worse?  What could be worse than wasting your one chance at life?  And so, this fear grows.  It plants roots in our soul like a weed that feeds off of doubt.  Our hope, our dreams, our very beliefs are choked to death by one thing:

Fear of failure.

If we try, we might fail.  The greater the goal, the greater the chance for failure.  So we sit back.  We take it easy.  We only do the things we absolutely know we can do.

The irony is, by avoiding failure, we end up failing.

cat fail

The Fear Behind the Smile

As I’ve said before, I recently started a new job.  A job that actually uses the skills I developed in college.  A job that I’m not embarrassed to tell people about.  And it’s funny,  because as excited as I was about getting the job, I was scared to death about starting it.

For the first time in my life, I wondered if I was good enough for the job I had been hired to do.  I was afraid.

Afraid of failing.

And truth is, there was a part of me that didn’t want to go in my first day.  A part that kept saying it wasn’t going to work out.  That I should just stay where I was at.

I wondered why I was so afraid.

Here was a chance to prove myself, to show I wasn’t a failure, and I was scared to take it.  Even as I celebrated personal victory, I had this doubt in the back of my mind.

I had gained something which meant I now had something to lose.

The Turning Point

When you have nothing to lose, there’s little reason to be afraid.  A person who is losing doesn’t worry about losing.  They’re already doing that.

I realized I was afraid of failing because I was no longer failing.  The stakes had been raised.  There was something on the line.  My performance mattered.  My decisions mattered.

What Always Remains

If I’m going to be honest (and I try so hard to be), I’m still afraid of failing.  It’s been almost a month on the job, and there’s a tiny part of me that still wonders if I’m going to blow it.  I don’t know if it’s a feeling that ever stops.

The most famous of performers still get nervous before they go on stage.  Lawyers get worked up before a big court date.  A writer gets anxious when someone starts reading something he wrote.

But it’s not necessarily a bad things.

Like the parent who constantly thinks and worries about their child, they do so because their child means something to them.  This job means a lot to me.  I don’t want to mess it up.  I don’t want to fail.

And if I give it EVERYTHING I have, then I won’t.  Even if it doesn’t work out, and I go on to a different job, there is only one way I can fail:

If I stop.

If I give up.

With all of this I’ve realized maybe failure isn’t based on whether or not things go according to your plan.  Things rarely go how you plan them anyway.  Maybe failure is based solely on effort.

Either you did, or you didn’t.

In your life right now, are you succeeding?  Or failing?  Do you feel that fear?  Is there something at stake?  Is there a chance that maybe you can’t do whatever it is you’re doing?

If so, good.  Keep going.  In the end, even if it doesn’t work out like you thought, you will have succeeded.

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The Avengers vs. This Blank Page: Remembering Greatness

May 7, 2012 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

To applaud or not to applaud, this was the question.

People are weird when it comes to clapping after movies.  After all, the point of  clapping is to show a performer your appreciation of their performance, right?  When you are watching a movie, it’s not like the actors or the director can hear you.  So what’s the point?

Maybe the applause isn’t for the performer though.  Maybe it is simply you acknowledging your enjoyment.  It’s a way of saying you were wowed in the same way tears show great joy or sadness.

As if you’re so impressed by what you just witnessed, you have to react.  You have to do something to declare “this was great”.

And it is for that reason that I applauded after watching The Avengers.

Avengers logo

From the Instagram of "thetimsnyder"

Beyond the Greatest Expectations

Saying I had high expectations for The Avengers is like saying smoking is unhealthy; the statement doesn’t even scratch the surface.  I’ve always loved Marvel comics.  Joss Whedon (the writer and director) has probably had more influence over my storytelling than anyone else in the world.  I pretty much idolize the man.

There were so many reasons why The Avengers should be amazing, and that’s part of the reason why I feared it wouldn’t be.  I mean, could it really be as great as I wanted it to be?

The answer is yes.  Truthfully, The Avengers was EVEN GREATER than I was expecting.

And as I sat in the theatre watching the credits roll, I was lost in awe.

Greatness still exists.

The Birth of Cynicism

I remember a few years back I ran through a string of movies that ranged from well below average to just okay.  Film after film, showing after showing, my expectations kept dropping as I began to wonder…

Maybe greatness doesn’t exist.

Maybe I’ve matured past a point of being wowed.  Those memories I had of being impressed were false.  Surely I must have just been caught up in the moment.

And I begin to settle.  I was slowly accepting this idea that the best the world had to offer had come and gone.

This is how cynicism starts.  There isn’t one big happening that crushes your faith, but a constant flow of disappointments.

Like a river slowly eroding through a mountain, cynicism sinks into our souls.  Without realizing it, our great peak has been reduced to a deep valley.  And we convince ourselves it has always been this way.

The Death of Hope

When doubt is truly accepted, hope dies.  The two cannot coexist.  In this world of doubt, mediocrity is king.  Greatness is not real.  It probably never was.  All that we once hoped for is deemed impossible.

And we may still “hope” for things, but we don’t do so realistically.  It’s like going into a battle fully expecting to lose.  You wouldn’t mind winning, but you know you won’t.  You probably won’t even try.  After all, what’s the point?

It’s Time to Wake Up

The Avengers reminded me of something incredibly important.  Greatness is real.  That which seems impossible is not impossible.

The fact that they were able to cram all of these huge characters into one film and do it with such style and grace is incredible.  As I watched the movie, I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

And maybe you didn’t like The Avengers (in which case I would feel very sorry for you).  The point is that amazing things can happen.  You just need to open your eyes.

If you have grown cold, doubtful, and cynical, wake up.  Find the beauty that has been breathed into this world.  Be in AWE.

Then react.

Stand up and applaud.  Scream at the top of your lungs that life is amazing.  And DO something with it.  Great things have happened in the past.  But I believe that greater things have yet to come.

For all of us, greater things are still to be done.

When was the last time you were wowed by something?  What’s the greatest thing you’ve ever done?

That Which Should Never Be Forgotten

April 20, 2012 in Uncategorized with 6 Comments

So I got a new job.  Yay!  No more valeting cars.  Another goal for 2012 crossed off.  The best part is it’s a real job.  I actually use the skills I developed at college.

To sum it up, I am a “Web Content Specialist”.  I write for companies websites, get other sites to link back to them, help set up their social media, and a few other random things.

SEO Workspace

"The Work Space" (via my Instagram @thetimsnyder)

The company itself is fast growing with tons of future potential.  They also run this other site I write for that you should check out (click here please).  And now that my job brings some sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, I think to myself I’ve finally made it!

Wherever “IT” is….

I Have Arrived

My grandma (God rest her soul) used to have this saying.  See, she didn’t grow up in a very well-off family.  They didn’t have much.  They weren’t especially proper.  As she grew older and got married, however, that changed.

Don’t misunderstand me.  She didn’t get rich and become high-class society.  But in her mind, that’s what it felt like.  So whenever she got in a fancy car or a big airplane she would exclaim “Honey, I have arrived!”

And that pretty much sums up how I feel right now.  Maybe you’ve had a similar feeling. The problem is, in any of these cases, we have not arrived.

What are We Here For?

It’s great that my job uses my talents.  I’m passionate about what I’m doing.  I believe in the company’s mission.  But, in terms of my life’s endgame, I know this isn’t it.  I have so much more to do.  There is something so much bigger beyond this point.

It’s easy in moments like these to get caught up.  To do the touchdown dance.  To tell all of the haters and doubters to eat it.  Celebration is good…as long as it’s polite.  Personally, I’m growing a victory beard (follow it on Twitter and Instagram at #victorybeard).

When you have a major win in life, you should feel good.  You should experience a sense of accomplishment.  I went through the first day of my new job feeling great.  But once it was over, I didn’t just go home and take the rest of the day off.  I took my computer to a coffee shop, sat down, and started writing for myself.

For you.

For the world.

I didn’t do it for money or for personal gain.  I did it because I knew it was what I needed to do.  I did it because if I didn’t, I might forget.  I might forget that which should never be forgotten.   Who I am.  Why I’m here.  What I’ve got to do.

Victory is great, but….

What You Do Next Might be The Most Important Thing You Ever Do

I think a lot of the difference between good and great is what you do after you make progress.  Do you take satisfaction in what’s been gained?  OR do you go for more?

Don’t ignore what’s happened.  Take a moment to feel good.  To be happy.  To see the edges of contentment, like rays of sun piercing a cloudy sky.

But after the metaphorical champagne corks have popped, and you’ve had your fun, take a deep breath and get ready for the next part.

Life is a battle.  A DAILY battle.  It ends when you die.  As long as you’re still breathing, keep going.  Don’t stop.  You have so much left to do.  Don’t be discouraged by it.  Get excited.

Live so that others might see the life in you.

Are you doing what you feel called to do?  Or have you taken your eye off the ball?

The Importance of First Impressions

April 16, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 1 Comment

Back in the late 90′s when the original Matrix was going into production, there were some serious budget concerns.  See, the Wachowski brothers (the guys who created the series) had only directed one movie before.

Their ideas and concepts were grand, but their experience was lacking.

So the Hollywood “powers-that-be” gave them about 12% of the budget that was being asked for.  What did the Wachowskis do?  Did they scale back their vision and compromise on the story they dreamed of telling?

Not a chance.

These sophomore directors took their ENTIRE budget and spent it on the opening scene.  Once they got it edited together as best they could, they took the ten minutes of footage and showed it to the producers.

Before you could say “I know kung-fu” the Wachowskis received all the money they had asked for and The Matrix was well on its way to reshaping western cinema.  And how did this happen?

Because two brothers with a dream went and made an amazing first impression.

Trinity slow-motion mid-air kick

Classic

In the Beginning

“A great first impression” has become a cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less important.  That same opening scene in The Matrix that won over the studio execs hooked millions of film goers into loving the rest of the movie.  If you took a moment, you could probably think of quite a few great movie openings.

You may not realize it, but those first few minutes shaped quite a bit of your attitude towards the rest of the film.

If a stand-up comedian’s first joke bombs, there is a good chance he will get zero laughs the rest of the night.  If his first joke is hilarious, then he has the audience in his pocket.  They have decided that this guy is funny and worth listening to.

It’s science…or psychology…or something.

The important thing is that it is true and it is a concept I have been trying to apply to my own life lately.

Winning the Crowd

See, I’ve been working on this book for a while (truth be told, it should have been finished by now), and there’s one part I keep coming back to.  Of all the chapters, it has been rewritten the most.  In case you haven’t guessed, it’s the intro.  I want it to be perfect.

Because I know my introduction chapter is everything.  Of all the chapters, it has to be the most universal.  It has to build trust.  It has to bring the reader’s guard down.  I want the audience to believe that somewhere beyond this opening is advice that they can benefit from and stories that will move them.

It’s tricky and intimidating, but if I nail it, there’s a good chance the reader will finish the whole thing.

If I blow the first impression, people might close the book right there and walk away.

Dead in the Water

Every year, hundreds of TV shows get cancelled.  Some of them are awful.  Others are actually quite fantastic.  Either way, most of them probably had mediocre first episodes.

So many shows fail to succeed simply because the first few episodes were average at best.  The episodes that follow are too little, too late.

On the flip side, shows that start off great are given leeway.  Even the best TV shows have a mediocre season in the mix (like season 2 of Friday Night Lights).   But because the audience knows how great it can be, because they have seen its potential, they ride out the rough times.

And the Same is True for You

The better impression you make earlier on, the more opportunity you’ll be given later.  I like to think most everyone has something they are great at, some sort of purpose written on their very soul.  First impressions are a chance to let that shine.  To show your potential.

If you fail coming out of the gates, it’s only going to make the future harder.  But don’t get scared or intimidated.  See, when you’re just starting off the expectations are about as low as they are ever going to get.

Why not go all out?

What do you have to lose?  Get started off right.  Take the world by surprise.  Make a great first impression in all that you do.

Have you ever wowed someone with a first impression?

Instagram on Android: Finding the Beauty in Today

April 6, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 3 Comments

After what seems to be an eternity, Instagram has landed on Android.  What is Instagram?  Only one of the hottest IOS apps out there.

But I’m sure you, being a blog-reading, internet savvy homosapien, already knew that.

And now it’s all mine which means I can take all sorts of artsy pictures and put them on the internet for all of my 15 followers to see.  Truthfully, I’m using it because all of the cool people I know use it (and I know a lot of cool people).

As I’ve begun my Instagramming, I’ve given myself a goal: to take at least one Instagram photo a day.

This may not seem that crazy, but as much as I love pictures, I have to force myself to take them.  Also, my life…not that interesting.

At all.

I was struggling on day two of having Instagram.  But as day three rolled around, I started seeing the world around me a bit differently.  I started thinking outside of the box (or 8 MP camera lens in this case).

Truth is, I think my life is more beautiful than I give it credit for.  And the same is probably true for your own life.

 

Cadillac insignia (steering wheel)

There's actually a wonderful story behind how I got my car

Loving Where You are Right Now

Maybe you’re waiting for the day when your life becomes interesting.  Maybe you think if I could just reach this point, then I will have a life worth talking about.

It’s good to have goals and dreams for the future.  But you can’t live life waiting for the future to happen.  You can’t spend your time telling people what you are going to do.  People are far more concerned with what you HAVE done and what you ARE doing.

Your life, in its current state, might not be good.  It might not be easy.  It may just suck all around.  You still have to live it.  One day, it will simply be a part of a grander story.  Do you want to look back at 2012 and see it as a wasted, uneventful void in your timeline?

There will never be another 2012.  The place you’re at, the decisions you are making, you will never get the opportunity to redo them.  So accept it.  Embrace the present.  Find the beauty, even in the pain.

Your Life is a Story

As I’ve begun to look at all the little details around me, trying to find daily Instagrams, I’ve realized something;  each piece of my life has a story behind it.  The different parts represent sentences, paragraphs, and chapters in the book of Timothy (not to be confused with the Biblical books).

To a stranger, the watch on your wrist might look tacky or old fashioned.  For you, it may be the last thing your dad gave you before passing away.

If you start seeing the reasons behind your life, the whole thing starts making a lot more sense.
If you stop to think how you got from point A to point B, you see there is a lot to learn.  And there is so much to remember.

And your life becomes a lot more unique.

It becomes infinitely more interesting.

The Life You Live

There’s a good chance I don’t know you.  I don’t know where you come from or what you’ve done.  But I can tell you this:

Your life is beautiful.

That may sound cheesy.  Okay, it is a little cheesy but whatever.  The fact that you are here, that you live, breath, and think is a miracle.  So many different factors and figures had to fall in place so YOU could be exactly where you are right now.

And that is a wonderful story in itself.

So I recommend appreciating your life daily.  Even when it hurts.  Take a moment to recognize where you are right now.  To appreciate the small details so easily overlooked.

As seemingly insignificant as today might be, it is still a part of your story.  Make it interesting.

And if you have a moment, take a picture.  Remember it.  Then move on.

(See that artsy picture up there ^^^.  That’s only a taste of my Instagramming.  To follow me on my picture perfect journey, find me @thetimsnyder.  If you don’t have Instagram, you can just follow me on Twitter.  If you don’t have Twitter, like my Facebook page.  If you don’t have Facebook, well, how do you even know how to use a computer?)

Like You’re Going Crazy: Chasing What You Love

March 23, 2012 in What Do I Do?, What I Believe, What is Love with 4 Comments

going insane

Yep, that's me

Right now, the only thing keeping me from screaming out loud is the fact that I’m sitting in a Starbucks.  I want to run around the room and punch the wall and shatter my phone into teeny, tiny pieces.  Why?

Because I’m losing my mind.

Here I am, trying to write.  Trying to do something with my life, but I can’t get the words to come out.

I start something, get frustrated, give up, move to something else, and repeat the cycle.  As torturous as it is, I keep going.  Instead of smashing my fist through my computer screen, I put my fingers to its keys.

Because of love.

The Writer. The Lover. The Go-Getter

Somewhere deep down in my bones, there is this desire to write, to reach, to entertain, to speak to some sort of audience and cause a reaction.

And right now, it’s like an itch on  the part of my back I can’t quite reach.  I twist, turn, and stretch, desperately clawing at it, but it remains, leaving me with two options.  I can grow numb to the itch, ignoring its beckoning.

Or I can keep trying.

As aggravating as it is, as impossible as it may seem, I can keep going, hoping for satisfaction and vindication and all those other wonderfully victorious words.

Not that it’s about me.  If it were up to me, I would be at my apartment, playing video games or watching a movie.  Instead I’m sitting in an uncomfortable chair, sipping espresso and going crazy.

And as I said before, it’s because of love.

This Thing Called Love

Have you ever been in love (or at least thought you were)?  You’ll drop everything just for a chance to hang out with some person.  They fill your thoughts, guide your actions, sway your emotions.

If you could just make them smile.

If you could just make their life brighter, easier, more fulfilling.

Whatever it takes.  It breaks you down.  It drives you crazy.  And you almost hate it.

You almost hate how much you want to be around this person.  You almost hate how much control they have over you, how much their opinion matters.  But you don’t hate it.

Because you love it.

So you keep going, hoping to make a connection, to have a breakthrough, to show that you love them.

Love Hurts…..Sometimes

From everything I’ve learned about love, I have decided this: Love does not make sense.

Love is not logical.  It doesn’t fit into the laws of self satisfaction or self preservation.  It keeps going when it should stop.  It travels beyond limits, breaking through walls, constantly chasing after its goal.

Love does not stop, even when it hurts.  You can beg and plead and scream and run around like a maniac.  When all is done, love remains.  It can ruin you.   It can destroy everything you thought you were, revealing what you actually are.

Love refuses to be ignored.   Try as you might to pretend it’s not there, it will not go away.

Embrace the Crazy

Do you feel that tug at your heart?  The fire in your bones?  Stop denying it.

Even when it hurts, even when it’s like an itch just out of your reach, keep reaching.  Whether it’s a love for your job, for the less fortunate, for a person, for God, grab a hold of it and hang on as tight as you can.

Write. Sing. Work. Dream. Draw. Preach. Teach. Inspire.

Love.

Like you’re going crazy.  Like it’s the only thing you could ever do that will bring any sense of satisfaction, of wholeness.

On the good days, on the bad days, when it comes easy, when it’s the most difficult thing in the world, continue to love.  Continue to do that which you love.  What you believe in.  Regardless of the outcome.  Regardless of logic.

Go crazy.

(And if you really want to get crazy, follow me on Twitter here.  You should also join me on Facebook.  Seriously.  Click this.  Yes, this right here.  You didn’t click it, did you?  Well, how about this?  No.  Fine.  Be like that.  But if you change your mind….)

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

March 19, 2012 in What Do I Do? with 1 Comment

The time had come to get new pants.  Despite what I would tell myself every time I slip on my favorite pair of jeans, the denim was wearing thin.  Holes were forming.  You could say they were on their last legs (see what I did there?).

Of all the pants stores in the world, I have one favorite.  The location is in the Mall of America (aka The Disneyland of malls [i.e. a tourist trap]).  Generally speaking, it’s completely worth braving the crowds because my store has great looking threads for ridiculously cheap prices.  There was just one problem.

At some point since my last mall visit, my favorite store had closed.

This left me with two options.  I could continue to wear my comfortable jeans until they disintegrated like a vampire in the sun, or I could kick my butt into gear and see what the rest of the mall had to offer.

I chose the second option.  And as I walked the halls of the MOA, I realized something.

This is a lot like life.

favorite comfortable jeans

I took this myself

Living Comfortably

It’s nice to be comfortable.  It feels good.  Lord knows people don’t buy Snuggies for their looks.  They buy them for comfort.

And it’s the way much of our world works.  We take the jobs that don’t challenge us.  We stick with the friends we already have.  We go to the same stores, stay in the same town, visit the same websites, only moving forward if we absolutely have to or if it’s really easy.

Why?  Failure.

Increasing the Chances of Failure

The greater the risk, the greater chance you have of complete failure.  It’s like walking out on a tree limb.  The further you get from the trunk, the more likely it is that the branch will snap and you will die.

It’s easier to kick a field goal than to go for the two point conversion.

It’s simpler to put your money in a savings account instead of investing it.

It’s hard to find a new job even though you’re miserable at your current one.  It’s scary to get out of the relationship you’re currently in even though that person is no good for you.

And really, this is all just a fear of the unknown.

You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

Before we even get out of our comfort zone, we start forming ideas of what the rest of the world is like.  Did you ever see the movie Blast from the Past?  The main character grows up in a bomb shelter during the Cold War.

Once he becomes an adult, the time has come to see the outside world.  He’s scared.  His parents are scared.  You see, they think the world was destroyed by nuclear war.  For all they know, the land is filled with mutants, zombies, and everything else.

That wasn’t the case.  No bombs ever dropped.  Were there dangers in the real world?  Yes.  Would it have been easier to stay in the bomb shelter?  Sure.  But that would have made for a very boring story.  The main character would have been settling for less.

Comfortability Comes with a Price

It’s something easily forgotten.  First class flights cost more than coach.  Luxury cars are pricey.  If you want to be comfortable, you’re going to pay for it.

Sitting in a chair all day, every day as you watch movies, eat potato chips, and drink soda will eventually make you fat and possibly give you type-two diabetes or a heart attack.

It’s harder to get of the chair.  It’s harder to chase you dreams.  You may fail.  But think of what you might find.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t end up finding a pair of jeans in the time I had.  I DID find a belt, a sweatshirt, and a few stores I will be returning to for clothes in the future.  These are places I probably would have never walked in if my favorite store hadn’t closed.

And lately in life, I find myself constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone.  It’s scary.  I wonder if I’m just going to end up failing.  But I’m trying my best to suck it up and push forward.  Because somewhere out there is something so much better.

It’s just waiting.

(Follow me on Twitter by clicking here.  I say wonderful things guaranteed to brighten your day.  And I promise to twit pic my jeans as soon as I get a new pair!)

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