“It seems no matter how hard I try,
It feels like there’s something just missing inside…”
What Can I Say – Brandi Carlile
As I am writing this, it has been four months and nineteen days since I posted my last entry on this blog. Truth be told, I forgot both my username and password for this website.
Since then, I have grown accustomed to my first ever real job. A career, if you would. In less than 6 months, I’ve learned more about websites, content-writing, and client relations than I had in my previous years of living combined. I’m also currently teaching myself coding languages which is loads of….fun.
I’ve experienced change outside of work as well. I have moved out of my apartment of two years and into a lovely townhouse. I grew my first full beard. I have run a half marathon, something I’ve always wished to do.
Ah yes, my wonderful victory beard experience....
In many ways, I feel like I’ve transitioned into a real life, or the beginnings of one at least. My so called “blank page” isn’t so empty anymore. And yet, as I list these accomplishments, I can’t help but think of everything I haven’t done.
I haven’t finished reading or writing any books. I haven’t grown in my guitar or piano skills. I haven’t chiseled out those 6-pack abs. Outside of my job, I haven’t stretched out of any of my personal comfort zones. Maybe worst of all, I can’t recall the last time someone told me that something I said, wrote, or simply did made an impact on their life.
And I think it’s all of those thoughts that bring me back here. Because even though I feel good when I tell people that I work for as a content writer and project manager for a web design and marketing company…
Even though I feel victorious for having run 13.1 miles in 1 hour and 47 minutes…
Even though I’ve managed to stay alive, healthy, and in one piece these past few months, I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.
When I get home from work, or when I’m out for a run, or when I’m lying in bed at night, I feel like there’s something more I should be doing. Even though I already feel like I’m doing so much.
Life still reads like this blank page.
And maybe, just maybe you feel the same way. That’s okay. I think it means you’re human. I think it’s how we were designed. To be left wanting, waiting, and striving for more. For something greater than ourselves.
Because if we didn’t want, we would never seek. If we didn’t need, we might never know.
We wouldn’t care if there’s something beyond us, if our soul is real, living and thriving, bearing some task that only we can carry out.
And if you’re ready to figure out what that something is, or your just ready to start doing what you’ve been meaning to do for so long, then join me. Let’s stop going about life all alone or for all the wrong reasons.
Let’s get down to business like our sanity depends on it, because quite frankly, it just might. If my posts fail to be consistent on this blog, let us pray it’s because I’m doing greater things with my life.
Totally know what you mean! The restlessness becomes exhausting. Sometimes I can recognize that this feeling is simply my ego trying to distract me from staying in the present moment. Eckhart Tolle has this great quote: “the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.” Powerful thought to contemplate, and so much truth in it…