Yep, that's me
Right now, the only thing keeping me from screaming out loud is the fact that I’m sitting in a Starbucks. I want to run around the room and punch the wall and shatter my phone into teeny, tiny pieces. Why?
Because I’m losing my mind.
Here I am, trying to write. Trying to do something with my life, but I can’t get the words to come out.
I start something, get frustrated, give up, move to something else, and repeat the cycle. As torturous as it is, I keep going. Instead of smashing my fist through my computer screen, I put my fingers to its keys.
Because of love.
The Writer. The Lover. The Go-Getter
Somewhere deep down in my bones, there is this desire to write, to reach, to entertain, to speak to some sort of audience and cause a reaction.
And right now, it’s like an itch on the part of my back I can’t quite reach. I twist, turn, and stretch, desperately clawing at it, but it remains, leaving me with two options. I can grow numb to the itch, ignoring its beckoning.
Or I can keep trying.
As aggravating as it is, as impossible as it may seem, I can keep going, hoping for satisfaction and vindication and all those other wonderfully victorious words.
Not that it’s about me. If it were up to me, I would be at my apartment, playing video games or watching a movie. Instead I’m sitting in an uncomfortable chair, sipping espresso and going crazy.
And as I said before, it’s because of love.
This Thing Called Love
Have you ever been in love (or at least thought you were)? You’ll drop everything just for a chance to hang out with some person. They fill your thoughts, guide your actions, sway your emotions.
If you could just make them smile.
If you could just make their life brighter, easier, more fulfilling.
Whatever it takes. It breaks you down. It drives you crazy. And you almost hate it.
You almost hate how much you want to be around this person. You almost hate how much control they have over you, how much their opinion matters. But you don’t hate it.
Because you love it.
So you keep going, hoping to make a connection, to have a breakthrough, to show that you love them.
Love Hurts…..Sometimes
From everything I’ve learned about love, I have decided this: Love does not make sense.
Love is not logical. It doesn’t fit into the laws of self satisfaction or self preservation. It keeps going when it should stop. It travels beyond limits, breaking through walls, constantly chasing after its goal.
Love does not stop, even when it hurts. You can beg and plead and scream and run around like a maniac. When all is done, love remains. It can ruin you. It can destroy everything you thought you were, revealing what you actually are.
Love refuses to be ignored. Try as you might to pretend it’s not there, it will not go away.
Embrace the Crazy
Do you feel that tug at your heart? The fire in your bones? Stop denying it.
Even when it hurts, even when it’s like an itch just out of your reach, keep reaching. Whether it’s a love for your job, for the less fortunate, for a person, for God, grab a hold of it and hang on as tight as you can.
Write. Sing. Work. Dream. Draw. Preach. Teach. Inspire.
Love.
Like you’re going crazy. Like it’s the only thing you could ever do that will bring any sense of satisfaction, of wholeness.
On the good days, on the bad days, when it comes easy, when it’s the most difficult thing in the world, continue to love. Continue to do that which you love. What you believe in. Regardless of the outcome. Regardless of logic.
Go crazy.
(And if you really want to get crazy, follow me on Twitter here. You should also join me on Facebook. Seriously. Click this. Yes, this right here. You didn’t click it, did you? Well, how about this? No. Fine. Be like that. But if you change your mind….)
By all means, feel free to comment. Seriously…anything.
I Loved it. You’re very talented and i totally get your message…keep writing the rest will follow; all who wander are not lost.
Side note:
(Mr. Arends would be proud…maybe…haha)
” …it’s like an itch on the part of my back I can’t quite reach.” I love this line. I feel like this all too often. This passion that you just can’t get away from and it won’t go away, and yet no matter how hard you try, you can’t quite get there. But when you do scratch that itch, wow does it feel good.
Your writing is coming a long way. These latest posts are really good. I think you’re reaching that itch.
I wish I’d read this earlier. I was down in Nashville earlier this week for a conference. A conference that challenged me to risk it all in hopes of living a better story. I drove 10+ hours home, all the time trying not to scream or slam my hands down on the steering wheel or drive like a madwoman. It felt like physical torture. I pulled into the driveway, dragged my suitcase to my car and took off to visit my parents three hours away. It felt so much like what you just described. Like I was losing my mind. And somewhere along all those hours in the car, I decided to quit my job and risk the failure that could accompany the dream of full-time writing. This love does crazy stuff to us all.
Great post. So glad I stumbled across it.