A Wolf Pack of One
Being young and single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Trust me, I’ve had a lot of experience in the field. And there probably isn’t any day you feel more single than on Valentine’s Day.
I have friends, great friends who care about me very much. But on days like yesterday, it’s not quite enough. It doesn’t help that so many of them are married or in serious relationships. Sometimes, I have to go it alone.
“What does that have to do with this blog?” you ask.
Well, I don’t know about you, but if there is one thing that prevents me from living my life and making my dreams reality, it’s doubt, struggles with self-worth if you would. And feeling alone tends to bring out the worst of this.
So, I decided to write out some thoughts that keep me going. I hope you connect with it on some level.
Thoughts of a Lone Valentine
I know I’m not the most exciting or interesting person around. I haven’t been across the world and back again. I don’t lead a life of constant adventure and danger. If I’ve ever stared death in the face, it was on accident and I definitely wasn’t laughing.
I know I’m not very well connected. I don’t know all the right people. I don’t have any famous friends. I’m not sure what all the trendy places are that I’m supposed to hang out at. I’m sure I’d feel out of place at most of them anyway.
I have a few talents and abilities, but I know most (if not all) of them aren’t extraordinary. There are an endless amount of people who are more intelligent, more musical, more creative, more technologically savvy, more business minded, and just all around sharper than I will ever be.
I know I’m not particularly coordinated. I look awkward when I attempt to do various activities. I’m not in superhuman physical shape. I don’t have a six-pack. I’m not barrel chested and if I was, I’m not even sure that would be a good thing.
I know I’m not rich. I may never be rich. I don’t have a flashy, high profile job. I don’t wear top of the line designer brands. I don’t drive a car that costs as much as a house. Truth is, I don’t even have a house.
I know I can be a little unmotivated at times. I get distracted very easily. There are days I get frustrated. I become upset. My self-esteem can dip pretty low.
I know I’m not perfect. I’ve questioned if there’s any purpose to my life. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I’ve even done a thing or two I’m downright ashamed of. And sometimes, I let my past mistakes tear me up.
But deep down, I know there is hope. I know I’m here for something and I am trying as best as I can to go after that.
I know where I am right now, and I know where I want to be one day. I’m not exactly sure how to get there from here, but I’m figuring it out.
And even though I don’t always act like it, I know there is someone out there who will understand that, someone who will see not just who I am but all that I can be.
I know there is someone who will love me more than they love anyone else, despite all of my shortcomings because they believe in me. Because they trust me.
And I know that I will love them in the same way they love me.
In the same way that I believe God loves us.
And in that moment, the pain and doubt of the past won’t matter. All that will matter is where I stand with them and where we are going together.
For now, I simply hold onto hope, hope that one day it will be worth it. I know it’s hard. Some days are harder than others. But I keep going, one awkward step at a time.