It’s two-thirty in the morning. I just got back to my apartment and have collapsed on the couch. In front of me sits my computer. It’s glowing screen whispers to me like a lover longing for my attention.
Tomorrow is Friday which means I need to have a post on my blog. Currently, I am post-less, but all I want to do is polish off another episode of Nikita and fall asleep. I know I should write, but everything in me is resisting it.
And I keep coming back to this question.
The question isn’t ”who am I writing for” or “what am I writing about”.
It’s more basic than “what is the theme of my work”. It’s deeper than “will I ever make a living off of this”.
The question is… why is this so hard?
Why does it feel like I’m battling myself to do what I know I’m supposed to do?
Because it is a battle. A battle that we fight every day.
The Truth is…
A lot more of us know what we are supposed to do than we let on. We know what we are good at. We’ve experienced those moments where we say to ourselves “this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
Think about it. Take a moment and really think about it. What is something that you are good at, something you love doing?
Got it? Okay. What’s stopping you from getting there? Why does it seem so hard to go after that thing you want the most? Because life is a battle and you are fighting it.
And it’s easier to run away. It’s easier to live a lie and tell yourself that thing you want so much is just a pipedream. But if you do run from it, you will probably never feel satisfied. If you’re okay with that…well, I’m sorry.
For the rest of you, once you accept that you have to fight to fulfill your purpose, you have to answer a far more important question. What are you fighting for?
What’s the Point?
Do you fight for money? Or to impress people? Maybe it’s so you don’t go crazy? Isn’t there something bigger than all of that?
Maybe you could fight for love? But what is love? What do you know about love?
The scary thing is, once you’ve decided to go for it (whatever “it” is), life gets complicated. There are so many things to figure out, but it is so important that you figure them out. It’s important to know what you believe because that is the very thing that will drive you.
If I am living my life as a means to an end, I am simply a robot, repeating a task over and over because that is what I’m programmed to do. And quite honestly, that isn’t enough for me.
Why I Fight
I believe that people are a wonderful and beautiful creation. I also believe that they are broken. I am broken. You are broken.
And because of this, life is hard. Some days are harder than others. Some days, it feels like nothing I do has any impact. Some days, I feel so limited. This is because I am limited.
But I believe that there is something greater than me, than all of us, that is limitless. I believe it is something that is the very source of love and if I let that love in, nothing can stop me.
It is hope that drives me. I fight to spread that hope to others. Hope that their actions aren’t for nothing. Hope that if they hold out a little longer, everything will be okay.
I hold on to the hope that life isn’t just a blank page, but that it’s a beautiful story to be lived and experience.
So ask yourself, why do you fight? For peace? For injustice? It’s not an easy question. It’s not a simple question. But it is a question worth asking.